entertaining

june 99

The branches of our family trees stretch from the Atlantic to the Pacific and from the border between the U.S. and Canada to that between Mexico and the American Southwest. This seems to be pretty typical of American families today. My children have first, second, and now third cousins that they have never seen, or haven't seen for the last 20 years. So many people's families are so scattered, we decided that we'd help with some ideas for getting those aunts, uncles, and others involved in your life on a personal basis with an old-fashioned family reunion. Whatever direction your reunion takes, it will require some forethought, careful planning, getting the word out to the other members of your extended family, and clever execution. A milestone event is an excellent reason for a reunion--a great grandparent's 90th birthday, a golden anniversary, or the christening of the first arrival of a new generation and the start of a new era in the family, or a major holiday. Whatever the reason, spending some time in the presence of one's family is bound to bring back fond memories, hilarious stories of "do you remember when...", i.e. the stuff and thoughts that make your family unique and are a heritage to pass onto the next generation. Whether the reunion will last a week or an afternoon, here are some tips to help gather up the clan. Decide who to invite. It's your party, so you call the shots. It you want to include all second and third cousins scattered across the land, do so. If you'd rather just include those family members that attempt to keep in touch, even if only at Christmas time with a card and picture of themselves, their children, or the family pet, it's your prerogative. Playing hostess to a group numbering in the hundreds (or dozens) can be daunting to some and exhilarating to others. It's smart to enlist a core of "helpers," your committee to divide up the work and the worries. Once you've decided on your committee and how far afield your invitation list will go, decide when and where to meet, and for how long. Some families limit their reunion to an afternoon (picnic and games), a full day of activities (starting with a group breakfast and ending with a sing-a-long around a bonfire after the sun goes down). Others spend a whole weekend or week together--one family, in particular, arranges for the entire clan (some 50 people or more) to cruise the Caribbean during the Christmas to New Year's holiday). Another clan gathers at the family farm when the tomatoes are ripening to help with the picking and eating of that summer's crop. Part of the activity of this group's reunion is to make enough salsa and ketchup from the family's secret recipes to last until the next summer's reunion. If you're planning a first reunion, keep in mind school vacation schedules, as well as probable weather and travel conditions. Christmas might seem to be a lovely time for a family gathering, but if relatives must pay peak airfares or drive through blizzard conditions, your attendance could drop suddenly. Better to opt for a late spring, summer, or early fall date when weather is less likely to cause problems. Some families keep the same date for each reunion, i.e. the 4th weekend in June or the 1st Saturday in August. Whatever the time, if the event is planned for outdoors, keep in mind that you may have rain. Best to have rented a tent (with plastic sides that roll down) for the event or plan the main event to be held indoors. Look in your telephone yellow pages or surf the Web for suitable places to hold your reunion indoors. Once you've picked the invitees, the place, and the date, mail a form letter to everyone, describing the accommodations available, listing local hotels and motels, plus whichever local relatives have bedspace or floorspace available. Also include airplane flight information, locations of nearby camp grounds, etc. Request that everyone respond within a reasonable time limit so you know how many to expect. For one-day events where most of those attending live nearby, the easiest way to feed a crowd is to plan a potluck, covered-dish meal. The longer the reunion, the more complicated the task of feeding the deluge of hungry people. This is where your committee steps in and helps you to plan the menus and delegate the work. One family we know solicits $100 from each family to pay for the food to be catered, beginning with a light breakfast, a sack lunch, snacks in the afternoon, and a sit-down barbecue in the evening. Depending on where you live, and how fancy the food, that amount may be lower or higher. But, that way you are free to enjoy the day, knowing that everyone's food needs are met and that you don't have to spend the night cleaning up. Leave time for playing and plenty of visiting. If your reunion is only to last a few hours, you probably don't need to plan any activities beyond maybe a touch football or softball game. Be sure to include the children in whatever you do. If the reunion encompasses a whole weekend, have your committee plans games for the adults, the children, and some activities that include both. Costs of a family reunion can get expensive, especially for young families just starting out. One family we know solves this by charging a set fee for the first generation, a lower fee for the second generation, and a still lower fee for the third generation. Another group asks each family to bring something to auction off (items range from a bag of hulled hazelnuts, a wood carving, to a hand-made baby quilt). The money from the auction helps to defray the expenses. Another important committee decision is choosing a memento of the reunion. Some appropriate choices are a group photo of all those attending, T-shirts, or individually drawn family trees that cover birth and wedding dates. Make colored copies for each branch to be framed when they get back home. Keepsakes such as these will kindle memories for years to come. At a family reunion, even the smallest child will know that something "magic" is happening. Encourage any family musicians to bring along their instruments and lead a family sing-a-long. Encourage the older family members to tell "stories" to the little ones about when their parents, aunts, and uncles were little troublemakers. A family reunion gives everyone, from the eldest to the youngest, a sense of who they are and how they fit into the family picture, as well as a chance to celebrate the family. On a hazy summer afternoon at one family union, the host parked his farm truck by the side of the barn and covered the back with a fabulous spread: Steak Salad with Dill Dressing, Vegetable Patch Slaw, Confetti Cornbread, one or two other salads, and basket of freshly picked fruit for dessert. You might wish to offer cookies (the Oatmeal-Raisin Cookies from this month's 'just for kids' article) to go along with the fruit. All recipes can be easily doubled or tripled, according to the number of guests. Planning a Family Reunion   Steak Salad Vegetable Patch Slaw Other Salads Confetti Cornbread Fresh Peaches, Plums, Nectarines, Apricots, and Grapes Oatmeal-Raisin Cookies (see this month's just for kids) (for the recipes, click on The Recipes or click on the individual recipe above)